Scared of Lonely

Every night when evening falls, a nagging feeling starts to set inside of me. It stirs in the pit of my stomach and makes its way up to my head where it grasps hold of my thoughts. In a haunting voice it taunts and teases me, and has become the cause of many restless nights where Im up hours on end waiting for sleep to put me out of this misery. This feeling is loneliness. I do things to take my mind away from this feeling but nothing seems to work. Everything seems to remind me of this void that I seem to have in my life. I watch tv, read books, listen to music, but all of them just seem to intensify these feelings that that there is no one hear to share my love of these activities with. One night in desparation I googled the term "loneliness". I found that there is a difference between being alone and lonely but they both just seem the same to me. In searching for the end to this I go back to where I think it began. Growing up I was never a very social or outgoing. I have 3 brothers but the difference in our age has always made me feel like an only child. In school I had friends but only during school hours. Then I came home and it was back to me. Kind of the way I am now. Presently I have friends but most live in different states. Some of the friends I have locally Im not even that close to. I've tried rebuilding these friendships but I've come to realize that some of them aren't worth reviving. So now it s just me. Add to that the end of an almost 5 year relationship and its beginning to seem there's no light at the end of this tunnel. So what is a brother to do? I've made up my mind that I am not going to lose without a fight. For one I am beginning to embrace my alone time. I've heard it said that if you can't spend time with yourself then how do you expect anyone else too. I'm rediscovering hobbies and things that I used to do but didn't have time to. Learning to appreciate my family and spend as much time with them as possible. And when opportunities present themselves to have social interactions I jump on them. Even if it seems they will take me out of my comfort level. I've always been a person who sees the good side in everything. And I know just like everything this too shall pass, and I won't be alone always. Besides I will always have me. And who could ask for anything more.